Second Coming Won't Happen As Jesus Made Drunk Promise - Vatican

 
According to spokesperson for the Vatican, Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore, the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all.

Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore has officially announced that this years 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth. But he urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news.

Cardinal Salvadore said, "We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it. It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else."

In chapter John 14:1-3 of the Bible, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again: "There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly."

Cardinal explained Jesus’ broken promise saying that he was probably drinking wine at the time when he made the comments. "Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs. We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different," added Cardinal Salvadore.

The church said it will now focus attentions on rebuilding its reputation around the world, but will keep an optimistic mind for the savior’s second coming.

Read More

Why Most Men Reach Climax Within Two Minutes Of Copulation

 

According to the leading sexual health doctor, early ejaculation is a question that most couples wonder about constantly – but no one really knows the answer to.

Dr Fisch claimed that though an average couple has s*x two to three times a week but many men are not able to hold out long enough to satisfy their partners due quick ejaculation.

He believes this is much too quick for the average woman adding that most women need five to seven minutes to reach climax.

The doctor says it is not uncommon for men to reach climax within minutes of s*x because an average man has 11 erections a day and that some young men see having s*x many times a day as normal.

He believes an average couple has s*x every one to three days in their 20s and that this drops to about twice a week for those between 30 and 50.

He says married couple over the age of 50 tend to have s*x less than once a week.

Dr Fisch added that most couples have s*x at least once a day when they are first together but that this declines over time.

However, he went on to say that what each individual couple is happy with varies.

He says some couples are happy with frequent s*x, while others prefer quality over quantity.

Dr Fisch says that it is absolutely fine as people should do whatever is normal and appealing to them.

But, he adds that it is not normal not to want any s*x at all.

“That’s really the point: not how much s*x you’re having, but whether you and your partner are happy with the s*x you are having.

‘Quality wins out over quantity every time. It’s all about the satisfaction,” he wrote in Nerve.com.

He went on to explain that an average couple has s*x for 7.3 minutes at a time and that this is not always long enough for women, who tend to take longer than men to climax.

He concludes by suggesting that men who take less than two minutes, or more than 40, to climax should consider visiting their doctors.

Read More

ANYTHING CAN STILL HAPPEN: Peter Of P-Square Gives Condition For Peace

According to Vanguard, Peter Okoye had refused to be appeased despite interventions from close friends.

Peter reportedly gave condition for peace, saying his wife, Lola, must be accepted and respected by the family or risk total isolation from him.

Several sources contacted by Vanguard confirmed that this was his only condition for peace.

One insider said: “Peter is tired of the long years he has had to plead with his family to accept the woman he has decided to spend the rest of his life with.

“He wants Lola to be welcomed in the family just as Anita (Paul’s wife) has been accepted irrespective of her tribe or age. This is his condition.”

Although the twins had fought at their dance rehearsal earlier in the month, Vanguard learnt this was not what had ultimately prompted Peter to severe his relationship with P-Square.

The source said Peter “has taken their attitude towards Lola even more to heart than what role he plays in P-Square, be it singing or dancing.

“He can no longer endure the ill-affection concerning his wife.”

Sources further said that the crisis had escalated after it was learnt that Peter had allegedly bought a house for Lola in the United States of America, USA.

Paul dilemma
Vanguard learnt that Peter’s twin, Paul is currently confused as he does not know who to support. Vanguard gathered that the twins had returned to talking terms, but that Paul is yet to show full support for Peter’s cause.

The source said: “The twins adore their mother and before she passed on, she had made it clear she was not in support of Peter and Lola’s union.

“Maybe that is why it is difficult for Paul. He does not want to be seen as being completely against the wish of their mother.”

Vanguard leant that he is the one making the most effort to bring an end to the crisis by appealing to Peter and the rest of the family.

Jude Okoye
Their elder brother, Jude Engees Okoye, has also refused to be placated.

According to the source, “there have been accusations and counter-accusations between Jude and Lola, each alleging that the other is rude and disrespectful.

“Jude holds on to this as his reason for not accepting Lola. But this is not the only reason.”

Peacemakers, who are industry friends and close business associates have however intensified efforts in resolving the crisis.

Hope
Also their social media pages show that they still identify with their pop brand name.

At press time, on Peter’s twitter wall, the pop star still goes with the handle @PeterPSquare, CEO P-Classic; Konvict Muzik/Square Records/Universal Music Group.

Paul Okoye also goes by his famous handle, @rudeboypsquare.

Jude Okoye, despite his “it over! I’m done!” tweet, his handle still goes by @judeengess, President/CEO Square Records, Northside Music Inc and Northside Entertainment Ltd. PSquare’s Manager/Producer/Director.

Sources, however, warn that the brand is still in dangerous territory, saying “anything can still happen tomorrow. You could wake up to hear the group has officially disintegrated or reconciled. We can only watch, wait and pray.”

Read More

RUDE BOY!!! Justin Bieber is trying to be a better person

 
Justin Bieber performs at Coachella Music Festival

Los Angeles - Justin Bieber is trying to ''be a better person.''
The 20-year-old star - who is set to appear in court in Miami on May 5 to face charges for Driving Under the Influence (DUI), resisting arrest and possessing an invalid driver's licence in January - is ''ready to make some changes in his life'' and has distanced himself from ''bad influences.''

A source told E! News: ''He's making more of an effort to hang out with people who are positive influences in his life.''

News of Justin's reformed attitude follows his latest reconciliation with on-again, off-again girlfriend Selena Gomez, whom he spent the weekend with at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio, California.

The source said: ''He has started listening to the people around him and he knows it is not too late to change things. He's being more selective with his friends. He wants people around him that will help him and guide him and keep him on the right path.''

The insider added: ''There has been a real maturing recently. This whole process has been a growing period for him and he has finally woken up to realise what he needs to do to get back on track and be the Justin Bieber he used to be. He's ready to change and be a better person before it's too late.''

The 'Heartbreaker' hitmaker was spotted dancing at Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood with friends on Tuesday night but an eyewitness said he was on his best behaviour, adding: ''Girls might have been trying to get his attention, but he was not interested at all. He just wanted to be there, eat some food and dance to the music with his friends.''

GOD HELP HIM

Read More

WICKEDNESS Ogun: Man Beheads Two Year Old Boy After Raping Mother

The Ogun State Police Command has arrested a middle age man, ‎Mahmodu Bashir, a Nigerien for beheading a two year old boy in Owode Egba area of Ogun State, South West Nigeria.
The suspect allegedly committed the crime after having a carnal knowledge of the mother of the boy, when she was easing herself in a nearby bush in Ofada town, Obafemi-Owode Local government of the state.
Eyewitness account revealed  that the suspect pounced on her with a baby tied to her back and dragged them into an uncompleted building, where he raped the woman, stabbed her and killed the boy before he severed his head.
It was gathered that someone suspected his movement, trailed him to the building but escaped and was able to rescue the woman with the headless body of the boy.
When he was arrested, the suspect led men from the Criminal Investigation Department of the State Police Command to the scene, to locate the head but was to no avail. The knife with which he perpetrated the act was only discovered at the scene.
Confirming the incident on phone, the Police Public Relations Officer, Mr Muyiwa Adejobi, said that the suspect was arrested through the help of some community leader as he had fled the area to Ibafo, immediately he committed the crime.‎
Adejobi added that further investigation has  revealed that the suspect had sold the head of the boy to a woman in Ibadan, adding that the detectives from the State Police Command was on the trial of the buyer and that, ‎the command has commenced a discrete investigation on the matter.‎
Speaking with Newsmen at the scene of the crime which was stained with blood, the suspect confirmed to have raped the woman, killed her son and severed his head which he had thrown away into the bush.‎
The remains of the boy has, however, been buried while the mother has been responding to treatment at a hospital.

Read More

Kogi Speaker’s Sons Kidnapped, Abductors Demand N200m Ransom

 
The abductors of the Kogi State speaker’s two sons have established contact with the Government and are demanding ransom of 200million Naira.
 
Channels Television gathered that the abductors who put up a call to the Speaker requested that the amount be paid before the end of the week.
On Tuesday, the two sons of the Kogi State House of Assembly Speaker, Momo Jimoh Lawal were abducted by unknown gunmen.
7 year old Ogirima Lawal and Master Afiz Lawal who is just 2 years old were kidnapped in the family home of the Speaker in Okene Local Government Area of the state.
Confirming the incident to Channels Television in Lokoja, the Chief Press Secretary, Mr Augustine Akubo stated that the incident happened at about 4am in the early hours of Tuesday.
The gunmen purportedly jumped over the fence and broke in through the main entrance into the residence and at gunpoint threatened to kill the wife of the Speaker.
While the two children were abducted, household electronics and cash were also said to have been carted away.

Read More

Court To Deliver Judgement On Sanusi’s Suit Against FRCN May 12

The suspended governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria Lamido Sanusi


A Federal High Court in Lagos State will deliver judgment in a suit filed by the suspended Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Mr Lamido Sanusi, against the Financial Reporting Council of Nigeria (FRCN) and its Executive Secretary on May 12.
The court fixed the date after listening to the arguments of lawyers in the case, both of whom also adopted their written submissions and other processes already placed before the court.
Mr Sanusi is challenging his invitation to appear before the investigating panel set up by the FRCN.
At Thursday’s proceedings, presided over by Justice John Tsoho, counsel to the suspended CBN governor, Mr Kola Awodein, insisted that the FRCN should be stopped from further investigating Mr Sanusi because the organisation had demonstrated bias when it earlier indicted him without giving him the opportunity to defend himself.
The lawyer also argued that the council could not be a judge in its own case, after it had investigated the allegations, reached its conclusion and made recommendations to the Federal Government.
Mr Awodein is therefore seeking a declaration that the FRCN’s conduct, action, decision and conclusion in respect of the suspended CBN Governor, particularly as it manifested in a brief note of 7 June, 2013 which was sent to the President, contravene the rule of natural justice.
He also wants the court to declare that the Council and it’s executive secretary do not have the powers to conduct the purported investigation as advertised in the newspapers and further seeks an order restraining the defendants and their agents in any form from conducting any investigation, inquiry, hearing or proceedings whatsoever as advertised in newspapers.
In objection, Mr Segun Ajibola, counsel to FRCN  and its Executive Secretary, said that the court lacked jurisdiction to hear the suit as the plaintiff had not exhausted the internal mechanism put in place for the resolution of grievances.
Mr Ajibola also said that the FRCN through its secretary issued a note, addressed to President Goodluck Jonathan, expressing its observation on the discrepancies it noticed in the audited financial statement and explanatory note of the CBN.
Part of the council’s recommendation was that there was a need for thorough investigation of the activities of the CBN.
The FRCN counsel concluded that the investigation panel was not bias and had not arrived at any other conclusion in respect of the investigation of the activities of the CBN for the financial year of 2011 and 2012.
Mr Ajibola, therefore asked the court to strike out the suit for being misconceived and premature.

Read More

Powell Receives 18-Month Ban For Doping Offence

 
Former world 100m record holder Asafa Powell, has been banned for 18 months after being found guilty of a doping offence. 
 
A panel of the Jamaica Anti-Doping Commission announced the decision in Kingston on Thursday.
The 31-year-old Jamaican tested positive for the banned stimulant named Oxilofrone at his country’s national trials in June 2013, and has been on suspension from competing since the case was disclosed a month later.
Powell, who has described the decision as unfair and unjust, said that he would appeal the ban at the Court of Arbitration for Sport.
His suspension began from the date of his sample collection on June 21, 2013, which means he would be eligible to return to competition on December 20 2014.
Powell said in a statement: “This ruling is not only unfair, it is patently unjust.
“This is the first time in nearly 12 years of being in the sport and over 150 tests that I have had an adverse finding.
“It is for a stimulant that is only banned during competition and experts have declared has no performance-enhancing effects.
“Sanctions for a stimulant and this kind of infraction usually range from public warnings to a ban of three months, six months in the most extreme cases.
“My team has begun preparations for an appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport in Switzerland.”
If upheld, it means Powell would miss the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow and he would be 32 by the time his suspension ends later in the year.

Read More

SSS Attempted Jailbreak: ‘Disappeared’ Tweeter Man Released

 

Reports say that the man who went missing after tweeting pictures of an attempted jail break in the nation’s capital, Abuja, has been released.

 For 11 days, Mr. Yusuf Onimisi, was not seen or heard from after tweeting images of the encounter between security forces and detainees attempting to escape from the State Security Service (SSS) headquarters.
Human rights watchdog, Amnesty International, on Friday had raised an alarm over the fate of Mr. Onimisi and demanded that the security forces should immediately disclose his whereabouts and legal status.
The rights watchdog said that eye-witnesses reported that Mr. Onimisi, who was reportedly working at an electrical sub-station near the area where the fighting took place, was arrested by plainclothes armed men outside his office.
The SSS has not made any statement to confirm or deny that they arrested and detained him, and details of when and how he was released has not been made available but a tweet confirming his freedom has been posted and he was also said to have spoken from his home

Read More